Scrawl on the Wall 043

Wow, it's so easy to alienate everyone. You just keep drinking, and talking, and focus firmly on yourself for long enough and soon, the whole world will see what an unbelievable jack ass you are and picture how their lives could be so much better without you in them.

So, you sit in a dark office, alone, miserable, sort of wishing one of them would take some initiative and beat you up a little.

That would be something good. Physical revenge. Pain.

It would clear the air a bit.

Can't blame anyone for their new found fanatical hatred of me. Well, you could blame ME. As I am the one to blame.

But, that's just so obvious.

Truth is, I just don't deserve good people in my life as I can't take care of them, and I'm never going to live up to the expectation that I be a good or valuable person.

I have no way to earn back the faith of those I have wronged.

And I have no way to turn back the clock and be a nice dude, and smile, and embrace responsibility and happiness in some weird simultaneous mixture which should be vaguely possible.

So easy to be a bastard. So easy to fuck it all up.

I've got a crowbar and I'm smashing it against the vehicle that is my life.