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Series 3: Desperate Cry for Help

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Desperate Cry for Help 026

The UK Snickers bar seems to be about 1% bigger than its American cousin. It's not quite a whole one percent bigger, it's something like .99% bigger, like it just can't be grandiose and awesome and go for being a whole number percentage-wise bigger.

It's just a few confused little bar.

I wish I could explain the whole weirdness of candy bar humility.

I want to go out and create the Mega-Huge Totally-Insane Marathon Chocolate Bar. It would be 26 miles of sweet goodness and the price would be reasonable for a bar it's size - AKA, fucking ginormous!

I'm not sure what company I would get to do the wrapper... but you know what? Fuck the wrapper!

Who needs a damned wrapper anyway?

I want my chocolate bar to be naked. Naked and proud of it! I don't need fancy corporate logos or neat advertising slogans.

Someone comes up to me and asks "So why should we buy YOUR candy bar?" I'll just look them straight in the eye and say -

"What? Why should you buy it?? It's 26 FUCKING MILES LONG!! What the hell is wrong with you? 'Why should I buy it?' Are you nuts?"


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