Desperate Cry for Help 012

So I'm in this dive pub, where the most artistic thing of note is a scrawl on the wall of the men's toilet reading "If you can pee this high, volunteer for your local fire department today!"

There is the loud, unending, noise, which is apparently, in some way, shape, or form, distantly related to music.

The band is 10 Testimonies to Surreal Fetish Desire - ten young women, dressed as World War Two service women dressed as prostitutes. So lots of uniforms and cleavage - it's an interesting display and, due to the heavy amounts of cheap cider, the pain of their actual inability to do anything other than look hot, is numbed.

People shout over the pounding, thumping, thud of the bass and in the corner an incredibly drunk man tries and fails to roll a cigarette.

This may just be the exact reason for my current state of total insanity.

I believe you will find a gopher in my pants.

His name is Mister Wedgie.

Love him for me.