Desperate Cry for Help 006

Groping, and stretching, and thrusting and all that fun stuff. It's not so difficult once you have a partner, but getting that partner, wow, that's the difficult part. Sex is like the ultimate physical contact sport, and yet, people are so damned wussy about it.

Look, if you ask me, every other intensely physical activity enjoyed by human beings has supporters, adoring crowds, teams, and Olympic Games.

Yet with sex, if you show up with a big Styrofoam "We're Number 1!" hand, a beer in a white plastic cup, and then expect to see a decent game -- people get all offended and put off.

I want to fill a stadium and have proper teams: "The LA Latinas" versus the "The Ashford Asians" or "The Baltimore Bimbos" versus the "Santa Rosa Red Heads", and the cheerleaders would be even more interesting than ever in that sport.

I want to meet the gold medal winner in Reverse Cowboy, the Silver Medal winner in fellatio, and the Bronze for doggie style.

But instead, people sort of treat sex like a second-rate tennis. You either have one partner and spend most of your time in love without scoring OR you have no one and just have to play with a machine.

I kinda' hate humanity for this sort of thing.

What a waste of a lovely afternoon.