Vague Insanty 091

So let's say I was a homosexual tortoise. I mean, I could be. WHAT?! Do you doubt my sly ability to seduce tortoises of the same sex? I could seduce any damned tortoise that would bother to give me the time of day.

Damn, slow-ass, grass eating, long living, son of a bitch bastards!

I don't think you understand the true depth, and meaning, and rather odd implications of full on tortoise man-love.

First of all, it's pretty disgusting. Secondly it's incredibly painful. And thirdly, if you or your partner ever accidentally flip over on your backs, you're totally fucked and experience full on tortoise death.

I guess it's like a broken condom in an underground bath house in San Francisco.

You just have to pray like hell, and hope that nothing turns green.

So hey, I may not have all the elite skills required to create a new foundation on which to build a perfect utopian state --

But tortoise sex?

That's easy.