Vague Insanty 066

So let's say I wanted to impress this sexy, smooth-skinned, almond-eyed goddess, and all I had to give her was a rusty tire iron.

There is no way you can sex up that gift. You can't really claim that it's a really hard light saber, or that it's part of the rather unusual crown jewels of Hungary. You just have to sort of stand there, with a rusty tire iron in your hand, looking like a moron.

I want to impress the lady with the long jet-black hair that cascades down to her ass, but oddly when I rifle through my pockets I just find a small wallet with no money, a de-coder ring with a holographic Captain America, and a broken toy compass - Oh yes, and a condom that is five months past its expiry date.

I think this is why I am doomed to failure. I need to find a way to carry impressive stuff like gold rings, diamonds, roses, and concert tickets in my clothing at all times for immediate retrieval.

At the moment, my sexiest possession is a 12" tall figurine of Sailor Mercury.

I need to embrace the sin of trinkets and flashy gifts.