Vague Insanty 049

Okay. Imagine that you are some sort of duck. I don't care what kind of duck, but I do actually like the ones with the green heads... mallards... If I was going to imagine I was a duck, I'd be a green headed mallard.

So here you are, a duck, swimming, dipping into the pond, having water roll off your back in a laughably stereotypical fashion, and here I am, trying to walk down the street in the pouring rain, past people with much nicer clothes and umbrellas that don't seem to collapse after approximately 5 seconds of use in incredibly mild winds.

And I as I'm soaking, and cold, and miserable, and contracting some new strange deadly soaking disease, there you guys are, living the life - sitting in your pond while young, bored, attractive, blonde ladies in tight sweaters throw lumps of delicious bread at you.

When was the last time a woman went through all the trouble of buying a loaf of bread, carrying it all the way to the park for me, and then lovingly tearing it into tiny, easy to eat pieces?

When? NEVER!

A woman has never fed me bread spontaneously.

And whenever I try to swim in the pond the park authorities kick me out.