Vague Insanty 016

So let's say I entered a one-man-drinking competition. I could win that one easy. I would just sit there drinking, and then drinking some more, in fierce competition with myself. I am certain that I could drink myself under the table.

I am a hardcore drinking companion kung fu expert, and when I face battle with myself, I tend to come out on top, and on bottom, and wake up in some random alley way drenched in my own urine. That is victory.

And yet even as I stumble through ancient cobbled streets, what is my prize? How shall I proclaim my drunken superiority to all local life? By loudly singing "My Way?" That works sometimes.

Yet I feel there should be something more, something greater than weaving in and out of tiny alleys whilst laughing to myself, something more awesome than picking fights with grade-schoolers whilst completely incapable to move or defend myself, some way to actually pick up a young lady when I can't pick myself off the floor.

I need to develop my drunken mastery into the next level, one where I can achieve my dreams, exercise my ambitions, and get laid.

What else can anyone ask for?