Vague Insanty 039

I wish I could use my speed dial to call abstract concepts, like happiness, or guilt, or joy, or gratification. I guess I could use my phone to do that if I had the number, but I want to have it all on speed dial so I don't have to wait, so I can push a button and instantly have gratification on the line, waiting for my call.

But my phone's speed dial goes to 911 emergency or something and I think that the other memory buttons go to the fire department and maybe the animal shelter. So, I really don't have any way to call up complex and cool stuff on my phone. I would use my mobile phone, except that I don't own one.

I think I might have to just talk to people and have human conversations, or perhaps I should find a way to call a dog. People are willing to put their damned dogs up to the phone, they always do! I think I could call some random stranger -

"Hi, I'm not calling you. I don't know who you are and I don't care. Just put your goddamn dog on the phone!"

I think the dogs will like me.